Occasional Green Pastures and Quiet Waters

Death is neither neutral, nor amicable. Death hurts. 

Death hurts because a person has been wrenched from life, from us. 

Death hurts because life has meaning and value. 

Deep down inside, something screams silently that good things were meant to last forever. 

Things like life, like relationships, like love. 

Death shakes us from our denial-

that all is well, that time in our ally. 

Death shows us our brokenness, our helplessness. 

It drives us to seek an everlasting good. 

A good to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves:

To put death to death. 

I was talking with my friends over dinner about relationships. One of them was sharing about how things took a wrong turn for him, but the way he put it, he had a lot to be thankful for.

This was where I realised what I had become - a jaded, cynical old man, cursing myself and the world.
Time and again, when someone piques my interest, old wounds rip open and the pain becomes so real, and I ask myself: 'Is it ever worth it?' I spit on the ground in contempt and settle down on my hard wooden bench, keeping to myself.
Not too long ago, being single was a curse to me. Today, I look back at my old self and chuckle cynically. 'Damn, I was such an idiot. Never again!'

How long will the walls I built stay? Perhaps there may be cracks. I don't know. Is it ever worth it? I have no idea either. After drinking wine mixed with gall for so long, it starts tasting good.
Cake, anyone?

So after my trip to Pulau Besar, we were driving home when my dad asked us:

He was met with silence, so he gave us the answers instead:
After a while, I realised he wasn't talking about fish. Haha. Sneaky dad.
Still, the apex of the joke was still this:
Very true, both literally and metaphorically.

lol.

In the past month, not a day has passed where my nights aren't long and my mornings not dreary. There have been several incidents in which I have been forced to check myself and all that I have stood for. In retrospect, I really thank God for these events, difficult to accept as they were. They way I see it, these events have made me realise that my identity and security does not solely lie in those around me, but also, and most importantly, with the One who gave up His life for me.
Like the Proverbs quote: 'As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another (NIV).' Such events, uncomfortable as they are, are crucial in life to prepare us for what God has in store for us down the road. It may be difficult for me to look people in the eye for a while as I'm still recovering from the ordeal, but the future glitters with a bright hope of perfection in Jesus Christ. This phoenix will rise again, burning stronger and fiercer than ever before.
Disclaimer: Tact still sold separately. =)

I don't look for a girl to complete me, since in Christ, I'm already completed. My friends point out my faults to me. They also are there to share the good times and bad times. They also build me up to be more Christ-like.
What reasons are then left for me to enter into a relationship and eventually get married?
I know full well that your partner can provide that sense of intimacy and love which no friend can provide, but put that aside, and what do I have left?

God, grant me grace to withstand the temptation to rush things, patience to bide, and wisdom to do the right thing at the right time and not get swept away...

Nighttime, or to be politically correct, the wee hours of the morning, is the time for emoing. Hehe. I was looking up the "She loves me, she loves me not" game when I came across the French version of it:

It translates to 'She loves me a little, a lot, passionately, madly, not at all'. I love this. What are the chances of you ending on 'not at all'? 1/5. lol. You can't be thaaaat unlucky can you?
The Polish version, on the other hand, sounds like whoever came up with it is a Major Depressive Paranoid:

Would it be right if my actions, which would benefit myself greatly, cause a close friend to grieve? If my actions would result in making another friend go against a statement made? Would it be right for me, if my actions may result in either the losing of a friendship or resulting in something more?
Should I then continue with this course of action?
Then again, do I really mean it? Am I just kidding myself again, like before?
Oh, where then does wisdom come from? Where does understanding dwell? Only God alone understands the way to it and HE alone knows where it dwells.
In that case, can pinjam sikit ah?

There's a few things I have to get off my mind so I can get some decent sleep tonight. You guys don't have to read this at all.

I'm scared. A little flustered but mostly scared. Coming to reality is like hitting the ground after jumping off the 21st floor. I'm not ready. I've always wanted it, but now I see the inadequacy in myself. When the time comes, will I be able to bear the responsibility? For the mean time what do I do?

Look. Say you lend a guy ten thousand bucks. What do you want from him?

Sometimes you reach a point in life where you look back all that has gone before. Your imagination digs deep and draws on the well of memories. It makes you wonder how life would be if you did this the other way, or that some other way. Sometimes it brings a smile to your face, sometimes it makes you regret.

The World would be such a boooooring place if everybody were the same. Thank God for all those characters we meet and interact with everyday! We have pushy people, sarcastic people, cute people, blur people, downright nasty people, so on and so forth.

Yeay!! I am FREE!! My trials are over! Accounting, was ironically the paper I was most confident in. Maybe be it had something to do with bringing my *ahem* calculator in. But still, my intuition has almost always been wrong, so there.
So much for freedom.... My finals are just 3 weeks away. So it's all back to square one. Study, study, study. Didn't anybody mention that studying ways my least favourite activity?! Libera te me ex inferis!! I'm sure Dante must have forgotten the 10th layer of Hell where studying for exams, one after another, is part of the torutre...

Temperate countries boast 4 seasons. Here in Malaysia, we've got more: Rainy season, dry season, football season, haze season, Megasale season, Raya season, CNY season, Merdeka season, Deepavali season and....exam season. Of all the available seasons, that is the only season that is the bane of any student's life. At least it brings us students together, like a friend puts it: "at least is gives us something common to complain about".


Well, at least I have comfort in the knowledge that Friday's lunch went on fine (^o^)/ Hopefully there'll be more to come. I'll just have to remember my manners the next time... (-.-;)

Genesis 24

11And he made his camels to kneel down without the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.
12And he said O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.
13Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:
14And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.
15And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.





Weell... This is the closest I can get to telling what's going on in my life without embarrassing myself thoroughly...(^.^)/
Slept late last night...This morning actually...Stayed up playing a Plant Tycoon 60min demo. I wonder why I even bother playing something i'd never be able to complete nor continue after an hour.... Its arare litus (-.-;) But I still did...
Woke up early to prepare...ahem...breakfast, then jogged off to college. Later today I'll be co-leading CF worship for the 1st time in my life! *Yeah!!*
Whatever the matter is, I'm dead tired... The zombie walks again!!!
Off to catch some z's (-.-)z (If its even possible in this horribly noisy lounge...)