Looking Back

When I ended my days as a student at MCKL, I wrote a blogpost reflecting on the time I had spent.I suppose, now that my time as a student at HELP has come to an end, I should also write one to reminisce the four years I had spent.

I still remember the very first day I made my way to HELP in 2009. My father drove me up, and we weren't very sure how to get there. But before I had left for KL, a good family friend of mine, Aunty Melanie had put me in touch with Esme, a senior. I can quite freshly recall frantically asking for directions as the roads so quickly branch into forks, as they typically do in KL.

I remember my first day at class. Having never met Esme in person, I sent a text, asking her to raise her hand in the crowd. For obvious reasons, she didn't. I stood up, and we met. In hindsight, I really thank God for placing Esme there. Her group of friends became my core group of friends for a large part of my university life, and were responsible for most of the adventure I've experienced in university.

When I first arrived at HELP, I spent my first few months in the university dorms, which were more closely related to exorbitantly over-priced rabbit hutches than dorms. The area the dorms were built was completely devoid of food in the evenings, save the posh Austrian restaurant downstairs. There was Hock Lee's, a small grocery store, just right below us, but with no cooking facilities available, it was quite ironic.

Ministry House on a typical event day

Ahhh... Life in the Ministry House was never dull. There were always ingroup cold wars (you have the women to thank for that), there was always that one person crying in the corner, there was the suicide note incident, oh, not to forget the sudden inexplicable shriek in the night from the abandoned house structure next door. There were also heated spats over things, which in hindsight, were trivial, and there was also my crush on one of the girls (which, obviously didn't work out). Looking back, I have to say that I'm actually really appreciative of my experiences in the Ministry House, as traumatic as some of them could have been. It has opened my eyes to the mechanics of inter-female interaction, as well as learning to love my brothers and sisters in Christ, as uphill a task as it may seem (It wasn't easy for them to love me either!). It is good to know that the Holy Spirit is working in them as in me, bringing to completion the good work that was started in us. It also served as a good reminder that I am not the Holy Spirit, and cannot bring about change in their hearts.

It was during my time at the Ministry House when I started thinking seriously about the implications of the gospel. It was during the weekly Bible studies I had with Aaron 'Aarony' Liu, and Pastor Kek, going through Just for Starters, where I first came to grapple with what it meant to trust in Jesus to die in my place for my sins. It was also around then when I was heavily involved with the HELP Christian Fellowship, running regular Bible studies as one of the Outreach Coordinators. Armed with the fresh understanding of the gospel, and the fiery temperament of youth, I was eager that those around me would come to the same understanding of the glorious gospel. Unfortunately, I was quickly met with a bucket of cold, cold water. I still recall my Christian Fellowship FES advisor sitting me down for breakfast, advising me for being 'too gospel centred' (as if one could be too centred), suggesting that I cut back on telling people about sin, and that I 'preach the gospel, and when necessary, use words'.

My baptism which quickly followed my understanding of the gospel

The group at the Ministry House was quite fluid too. Within the year, Mark had left for Australia, and Rowen moved in. Not long after that, we were joined by Alithea and Natasha. Tim Jon stayed for a while before going to the UK to finish his Law degree, and Tian joined us for a brief while too. With each of them came a whole new array of experiences as I interacted with different people from different backgrounds. Some, I have to say, were more interesting than others.

However, all good things have to end. Such is life under the sun. Junhao left the Ministry House, and I left not long after. By this time, I was going to St Mary's Anglican Cathedral (SMAC)after service at WH, and had experienced a shift in my core group of friends. I think it was during the incident where the Catholic Youth Society approached the CF committee with the request for a merger. This was a defining moment in my university life, as well as my development as a Christian. My relationship with my colleagues on the CF committee were already tenuous due to several disagreements on my role as Outreach Coordinator, and this incident proved to be the breaking point. Tempers flared, tears were shed, and much cortisol was produced. Needless to say, friendships were damaged, only to be flimsily patched. During this time, my classmates were beginning to feature more heavily as I spent an increasing amount of time with them as we worked on time and labour intensive assignments together.

Before my second year had ended, I had befriended Doug and Adelle, who were about a semester ahead of me. Together with Junhao, we spent quite a fair bit of time on adventures in the middle of the night and long discussions on theology and philosophy. Those were really good times. I still can recall the night we decided to make a random drive to Ampang Lookout Point to enjoy the nightview, and the nights we sat in the park with er... drinks in our hands, discussing life. When the year end arrived, I had decided not to continue staying at the Ministry House and had moved all my things back home to Melaka. During my break back home, and in the midst of looking for a new place to stay, Aunty Melanie called with an offer for me to stay with her parents until I had found a new place. And so began my stay with Kongki and Pops, the two most generous people I have ever met.

My third year, now having become a veteran in HELP, came along with that jaded indifference to university life. For a large part of this year, I had been occupied with teaching the Bible in small groups around campus. Having, to a significant degree, lesser drama in my life, I had more time to spend in prayer and studying Scripture. It was during this period where I attended many conferences, equipping myself with the tools I needed for better handling of the Bible. My nights were spent sitting at Devi's in Hartamas with Rowen, Daryll, Aaron, and on several occasions, Donny. At church, I also had the good fortune of getting to know Leonard, who introduced me to Dungeons and Dragons. Speaking of church, having already left the Ministry House, there was now no longer any reason for me to stay with WH, and so I fully switched over to SMAC. This was another significant year for me, as I had been growing quite fed up with the government's dislike for fair and free elections, and so I took part in the Bersih 2.0 rally.

The rally was an interesting experience. I had to work at a birthday party till past the starting time, so I got to the rally point late. I had parked my car along Jalan Semantan and walked all the way into the heart of KL. By the time I had gotten there, most of the crowd had already dispersed due to the gentle and affectionate pleading of the Federal Reserve Units (FRU), and the main body had moved to KLCC area. Although I had missed most of the action, I still was able to witness the gassing of Tung Shin hospital from afar.

2011 was also an emotional roller coaster for me as well. Having recovered from my last attempt at romance, I decided to try my luck again. This new experience was quite novel - she was quick in realising I fancied her and made it swift and painless in telling me that she wasn't interested. Definitely something I really appreciated. Despite her well intentions, I still did take a blow and reeled for a while. Sometimes, and even now as I write, I still feel the bite, but I'm sure it'll pass. Contributing towards the roller coaster was also the fact that I had failed my thesis proposal, and so had to put aside teaching Bible study, amongst other reasons, and focus on my work. The year had ended rather badly, and didn't pick up till much later this year.

2012, I think, was the strangest year by far. Dungeons and Dragons had petered out due to several complications, whilst I had quit my part-time job of two years with FlyKidz. With the help and support of my mother, Daryll's family friends, and most of my church friends, I was able to complete my thesis research and write the report, albeit last minute. It all happened so fast, it was quite like a dream that I never really woke from. Strangely, I still managed to find time to take part in the Bersih rally that year, and actually got caught up in the fray of the teargassing. Thankfully, my friends and I managed to escape unharmed. Upon returning, I wrote two blog posts, one reporting my experience, and the other looking at the issue through a Christian lense.

A group shot just before the chaos erupted

Occasionally when I drive by Jalan Raja, when I'm not focused on anything in particular, and zoned out from the lack of sleep, I can sometimes still smell the pungent smell of tear gas, with its hazy tendrils creeping out from the past, jolting me back to the present as I begin to choke.

Having completed my thesis, I would have thought that I would now be able to graduate by mid-year. It would seem though, that God had different plans for me. I flunked a paper (anthropology, in case you're curious), and was not allowed to take another paper due to my semester cap on subjects. This meant that I had to stay back an entire semester to do two papers. This also meant that the part-time job that I had been doing since February, where I was supposed to sign on full-time once I had graduated in July, still would remain my part-time job. At least until I return in January to start full-time.

Shortly after completing my thesis, I had also moved to my current place at the recommendation of Pops. Moving and signing a one year contract for the place to boot was a pretty awkward move, as it meant that I would have to at least stay for the year, now that my uncle will be staying with me. Yet that opened up opportunities for me to learn how to be independent, having to manage rent, utility bills, maintenance, grocery budgeting, as well as dabbling with some carpentry.

In retrospection, I have to say that the last year at HELP has been the one with the least drama, and I'm quite thankful for that, and though the previous three years were educational to say the very least, a break from all that drama is very welcome. For next year, I'll be looking forward to my trip to Japan, and the prospect of becoming a working adult...who now has to pay taxes and loans...yaaaay.

To end this already extremely lengthy blogpost (the longest by far I have ever written, me thinks), I've compiled a list of Top 10 Highlights of the Four Years at HELP (not in any particular order)

1. Winning the Best Speaker Award for colloquium
2. Never actually attending prom
3. Leading Bible study at HELP
4. My Psychology of Film class where we actually had to make a 10 minute short film
5. The first and last time I ever participated in SUKMA, where I actually won a medal
6. Actually understanding the Gospel for the first time
7. Taking part in Bersih 2.0 and 3.0
8. Diving for the first time ever at Krabi
9. Learning to play the drums
10. Learning how to belay and boulder