Ever had that feeling?

Know that feeling when you sorta kinda guess you've screwed up, and you're trying your best to ignore it, and then somebody tells you the stark cruel truth: you've screwed up?

Yeah... That's pretty much how I feel now.

I've spent three good hours figuring out where I screwed up, how I screwed up, and why I screwed up. It's quite cool finding out that my screwed up-ness may stem from childhood trauma, but it doesn't change the coldness of reality: I still screwed up, and nothing is ever going to change that.

There's still hope, you say? Yeah, right. Same probability the KL tower has of being the target of a terrorist attack. 'But it will work out for good...' you quote the Bible. That's easy for you to say, especially if you're God. You've arranged everything to your wisdom and for your pleasure. From the human perspective, this sucks. Big time.

The hardest part, knowing that God is indeed in control, and that all things do eventually work for the good of those who love him, is actually trusting God to work things out in his wisdom, as well as accepting the outcome even if it isn't what we want.

Makes you realise how powerless you actually are to do anything...

Funnily enough, there's great comfort knowing that God isn't apathetic to the shit we go through. Jesus being fully human while being fully God, experienced the same shit we are faced with. The same, if not worse troubles, the same, if not worse, temptations. By doing so, he understands how shitty it is to be human, and can have compassion on us.